john bailie, PHD
Faith. Life. leadership.

On September 11, 2001, I was working as a counselor for adjudicated and at-risk youth at a private school in southeastern Pennsylvania; about an hour-and-a-half from Manhattan. We had a typical morning gathering with our students. We held a circle. Staff and students did a short “check-in”, saying something about how they were feeling that morning. We discussed some goals for the week, then everyone went off to class. Around 8:45 EDT, like everyone else around the world that

I love monster movies. The bigger and meaner the monster, the better the movie. Alien. Predator. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man . But when it comes to on-screen destruction, the undisputed heavyweight champ and model for all monsters that followed is undoubtedly Godzilla. Behind the cheesy effects and ridiculous rubber monster suits of the 1950’s and 60’s movies , there was a deep commentary on the tenuous nature of life in the atomic age. Godzilla’s origin story has varied a

Image by oliver-cole @ unsplash Sometimes doing something “close” to right isn’t good enough. As a father of four I find myself increasingly making use of dad-sayings that I learned from my own father, when discussing life’s most important matters with my children and others. Mind you, when these pearls of wisdom were dispensed to me as a young man I rolled my eyes, scoffed, or otherwise convinced myself that my father’s sage advice somehow didn’t apply to me. We all think

Image by janko-ferlic @ unsplash This series of articles explores the toxic behavior profiles that persistently generate workplace conflict and provides tips on how to respond. In Creative vs. Toxic Conflict at Work , I discussed one of the key features that distinguishes toxic conflict from creative conflict. Creative conflict is rooted in the dynamics between people . In creative conflict, the motives and goals of group members are typically healthy and focused on a sincer

Image by kristopher-roller @ unsplash Happiness is a feeling. Cheerfulness is a choice… and a weapon. By cheerfulness, I don’t mean schmaltzy niceties and fake smiles. Real cheerfulness means something much deeper. Cheerfulness is the ability to willingly, even gladly, bear the slings and arrows of life and relationships. The feeling of happiness comes and goes like weather. Cheerfulness can be deliberately chosen and cultivated as a virtue in leading conflict. The ability to

Image by nathan-dumlao @ unsplash It was 2008. The Great Recession was in full swing. An organization that was growing steadily until that point had nearly ground to a halt. It was very eerie in the office. The rush and crush of a once busy international professional development and coaching business was gone. The phones were not ringing. The last of our multi-year contracts was coming to an end. Event registrations were low. We had recently launched a new and innovative grad

Image by mads-schmidt-rasmussen @ unsplash I share this story with great trepidation; not only because of its scatological nature, but because I fear it might leave my valued readers traumatized. However, some stories simply beg to be told lest we fail to learn from them. No, the phantom pooper is not the world’s worst superhero. The phantom pooper is a real person, just like me or you, with a message for the world. That message is, when it comes to workplace conflict, you ca

Image by Matheus-Ferrero @ unsplash.com Marvin was the best street fighter I’ve ever seen. The crazy thing is, you would never pick him out of a crowd as the top slugger. In fact, time and again, I watched bullies target him for harassment or a beating. It never ended well for the bully. Marvin was not very tall at about 5’8”. His weight was average. He usually sported a small paunchy beer belly, but he wasn’t heavy. He wasn’t muscular either. To top it off, he was cross-eyed

Image by Pawel86 @ pixabay.com People are different. We each bring our own stories, assumptions, and worldview to work with us. Sometimes, you have a clear understanding of the ways in which you see and experience the world differently than your co-workers and how this plays out in behavior. At other times, the behavior of those with whom you work can be simply perplexing. It’s like you are from different planets. And in some sense, you are. When something about another perso

Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash Managing is about overseeing processes, plans, and systems. It’s about keeping things, often created by others, running. Leading is about engaging and becoming immersed in the nuanced and complicated lives of real people. Leading is envisioning, building, and sometimes breaking things on purpose. Leadership helps a team manifest ideas and aspirations. Management and leadership skills are both essential for a healthy organization, but th

This series of articles explores the toxic behavior profiles that persistently generate workplace conflict and provides tips on how to respond. In Creative vs. Toxic Conflict at Work , I discussed one of the key features that distinguishes toxic conflict from creative conflict. Creative conflict is rooted in the dynamics between people . In creative conflict, the motives and goals of group members are typically healthy and focused on a sincere desire to solve concrete externa

Photo by Alice Achterhof on Unsplash Humans loathe uncertainty. We like patterns, routines and structure. We like knowing what’s going to happen next. Even creative pursuits, like jazz or abstract painting, that seem to thrive on a lack of structure are really made interesting because they bend expected structural expectations. In the enjoyment, there's still a strong relationship to the expectation of order and the underlying classical “rules” of the art form. When the mind

Photo courtesy of Patrick Fore @ www.unsplash.com Everyone wants to be a hero. This desire is deeply imprinted into our human hardwiring. In fact, throughout all of history we have told one primary story. It’s the hero’s story and it goes something like this… A person (usually young) is born in obscurity or in disadvantageous conditions (i.e. poverty, orphaned, broken relationships, etc.). They become aware of a great injustice, problem or challenge that seems intractable. T

Image courtesy of Gemma Evans @ unsplash.com What do you do when your organization asks you to do something unethical? A Leading Conflict subscriber recently posed this question to me. They were facing a tough situation. Their supervisor was informally pressuring them to falsify performance data for certain people served by the institution. The subscriber asked for some advice. Of course, you can simply follow Nancy Reagan’s advice on avoiding temptation and just say no . But

This series of articles explores the toxic behavior profiles that persistently generate workplace conflict and provides tips on how to respond. In Creative vs. Toxic Conflict at Work , The Submarine , and The Diva I discussed one of the key features that distinguishes toxic conflict from creative conflict. Creative conflict is rooted in the dynamics between people . In creative conflict, the motives and goals of group members are typically healthy and focused on a sincere de

See the picture above? That’s not a listening stance. But it might be what you look like when people try to give you feedback. One the first things you practice when you learn a martial art is how to stand and position your body for action. As I said in How to Take a Punch at Work (Part 2) , most “punches” at work come in the form of criticism and confrontation from colleagues and supervisors. Leading conflict is not just about throwing punches. You also need to know how to t

In How to Take a Punch at Work I talked about my love of boxing and one of my all-time favorite boxers, Micky Ward . As I said in the article, some boxers love the art of the sport, the “sweet science” as they say. Some love the money or the fame. But some boxers actually just enjoy getting punched in the face. And Micky liked getting punched in the face. What this really means is that Micky accepted and learned to relish the scariest part of his profession. He wasn’t immune

Empathy is overrated. I know this is heresy. Before you light your torch and grab your pitchfork, hear me out. We live in a world suffused with psychological language. Even in fields that are not traditionally considered to be “touchy-feely”, leaders are likely to be expected to know how to increase their team’s emotional intelligence, help employees build emotional self-management skills, or increase a sense of belonging and community. This is good. My “day job” is focused o

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ve likely realized that I’m a boxing fan. When you like a sport as much as I like boxing, it becomes more than a hobby. It becomes a metaphor for life. My favorite part of boxing isn’t actually the fighting. I’m fascinated by the psychology of the fight. I’m intensely interested in the personal stories behind each fighter and what drives them to endure the punishment of the ring. Some boxers love the art of the sport, the “swe

This series of articles covers the central principles of leading conflict in the workplace. Also see: Principle 1: Move Toward Fear Principle 2: There’s No Nice Way to Poke Someone in the Eye In 2010-11, I was a little overwhelmed. Things at work were as busy as ever. I was a year into my doctoral studies and heading toward my comprehensive exams. My wife was pregnant with our first son and my second child. I was also processing the deaths of several family members over the p