john bailie, PHD
Faith. Life. leadership.

When the guy above walks into your office, will you be ready? Some tasks are inherently unpleasant. No one likes rinsing out a garbage can after the bag has leaked. I’d wager that very few people enjoy scooping doggy-doo from the backyard, no matter how they love their furry friend. Similarly, most of the tasks that surround workplace conflict are never going to be the tasks we look forward to or inherently enjoy, at least in the usual sense of the word. However, there are so

This series of articles explores the toxic behavior profiles that persistently generate workplace conflict and provides tips on how to respond. In Creative vs. Toxic Conflict at Work , I discussed one of the key features that distinguishes toxic conflict from creative conflict. Creative conflict is rooted in the dynamics between people . In creative conflict, the motives and goals of group members are typically healthy and focused on a sincere desire to solve concrete extern

You cannot “balance” aspects of life that are inherently unequal. To attempt to do so produces nothing but pain and fruitless sacrifice in pursuit of an ever-elusive and never-achieved “balance”. Work and life cannot be balanced, nor should you try to do so. Life and work activity exist within a hierarchy goods and not some kind of yin/yang equality. Here’s an example. On vacation over the last few weeks, my wife noticed something interesting in my conversations with other da

I’ve recently discovered one of the great benefits of entering the early middle-aged phase of life: some of the things I loved in my childhood have suddenly become interesting to others again. From the countless cultural references in Stranger Things to the most-excellent and highly recommended Cobra Kai , 80’s nostalgia is all the rage right now. Some of you crazy hipsters are even buying up old VCRs, and Atari 2600 consoles. Hipsters…. While you cool-kids are out thrifting

If you ever study a martial art that includes real competition or sparring, like boxing and jujitsu, you’ll learn one thing very quickly. Fundamentals win fights – in the dojo and at work. Basic footwork. Breathing. Using your core and legs to put power into your punches and movements. Even learning how to duck takes practice. Like Daniel painting the fence and waxing the car in the Karate Kid , the things that really matter are small and must be practiced over and over agai

I was recently invited to speak at a leadership retreat . The organization is based in a region of the country that is known for many things. They have great restaurants, excellent schools, and beautiful rolling countryside. They are also known for being very, very, nice. A place renown for niceness is wonderful if you’re a tourist. It’s probably a great place to raise a family. It might even be a pleasant place to go to the DMV. However, if you’re trying to introduce innovat

A subscriber recently asked me, “How do you follow a bad boss?” The answer is, “The same way you follow a good one.” Great leaders are only made from the ranks of great followers. By “followers” I don’t mean passive doormats or sycophants. Those people are not effective followers, and they are not likely to become impactful leaders. There’s an art to following. Especially if you aspire to be a valued leader, it’s an art you must learn. Here are three laws of quality “followin

A subscriber recently asked me during an event , “How do you know when it’s time to quit a job?” They faced some serious challenges with the behavior of several organizational leaders. This was creating technical impasses that felt unsolvable given the poor interpersonal dynamics and toxic conflict . They were frustrated, exhausted, and simply ready to throw in the towel. I posed a different question in response, “How do you know when it’s time to get fired?” Eventually, ever

Sometimes a colleague needs to decide: it’s time to grow, or time to go. In the previous article, Seek Problems, Not Solutions: Leading Conflict Principle 8 , I discussed why most leaders avoid disruption and seek stasis in relationships. Instead, the article recommended that leaders seek the broken places and underdeveloped areas of organizational relationships and culture. Huge performance dividends are paid to leaders that engage the sharp edges of workplace culture proact

Most leaders are trained to say that they seek new challenges, growth, and continuous improvement. We are all habituated to say that we see conflict as an opportunity; a natural part of life that comes with collaboration. However, in practice most leaders avoid conflict and seek stasis. After all, challenge, growth, and truly continuous development are inherently destabilizing. This is true when learning new technical, physical, or intellectual skills. It’s triply true when

Every month, the small alternative school for at-risk youth where I worked as a young man ran a “recovery” group. This group was for those students in active recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. This always included some whose recovery wasn't quite “active,” but were seriously contemplating sobriety none-the-less. I had only been working there a few months. After co-facilitating one of these groups for the first time, I was processing with my supervisor. She asked me wha

Compromise is rarely the best resolution to an argument. Here’s an example. King Solomon was renown for his wisdom among the Hebrew nation of antiquity. People came from far and wide to seek his counsel and resolve disputes. One day, two women appeared before him. Each woman claimed to be the mother of the same child. Both women provided evidence of their supposed motherhood. However, Solomon was unable to determine who had the rightful claim based on the evidence alone. So,

There are a few essential skills that every leader must learn on the job. These are the things that no one will teach you in school. One of the most essential is how to write a truly scathing email. This article covers all of the necessary ingredients and competencies to compose a devastating digital missile. Think of it like one of the Sith-arts of leadership. No, you can’t learn it from a Jedi. Here’s how to do it: First, be self-righteous. This is the foundational ingredie

Humans are hardwired to reward truth-telling and responsibility-taking. I know it doesn’t feel that way when you’re the one with the secret, the piece of information you have a moral responsibility to share, or the insight that needs to be said out loud. You might take damage when telling the truth. Don’t expect everyone to thank you. You might not be rewarded. However, short-term suffering in service of the truth is always less than the long-term suffering caused by avoiding

Throughout the years, I’ve had the unique opportunity to help many organizations come to terms with the relational impact of internal scandals and ethical failures. Often, those failures have become very public. Over a long enough period of time in any organization, one or more trusted leaders will fail in their professional, personal, and human obligations to protect those people and processes in their charge. Some will actively work to hide and obfuscate what happened, whic

New systems and practices will always default to conformity with an organization’s culture over time. You cannot simply impose a new way of doing things on an organization and expect that alone to build a new culture. You can disrupt an existing culture that way, but it’s unlikely that you’ll build a healthy new one that lasts. For instance, highly-engaging workplaces that allow people to maximize their creativity, experience a higher sense of belonging and exercise more agen

The opposite of fragile is not resilient; it’s "anti-fragile". We all know what fragile means. It is something that’s easily broken, delicate and must be treated with great care and caution. While we might greatly value fine objects with these qualities, such as a beautiful stained-glass window or a treasured porcelain vase, no one wants to be a fragile person. In the quest to avoid fragility, the common wisdom is that one should develop resilience. We usually think of resili

I once worked as a counselor in an alternative school for delinquent and troubled teens. The building was full of young people who were on probation, expelled from their home school districts or facing other serious disruptions at home. This program was (and still is) universally known as one of the most effective in the region for producing remarkable behavior and life-changes in the youth we served. The day-to-day environment was also remarkably different than nearly every

There are some domains of human life that are great equalizers. They humble the proud and exalt the modest. Conflict is one of those domains. As most Leading Conflict readers and subscribers already know, I’m a big boxing fan. The best part about boxing isn’t the fight itself – the physical part. Instead, I find the mental landscape fascinating. For instance, the article Lead Conflict Like the Goat , explored how Muhammad Ali mastered the psychological art of the game. For Al

I spent the better part of the 1990s and early 2000s possessed by a great mystery. This enigma spoke to the heart of the human experience and carried within it the potential to unlock my understanding of humanity – and perhaps existence itself. The mystery was this: Who buys Michael Jackson albums? You might be thinking to yourself, “Wait a minute. What are you talking about? I buy Michael Jackson albums.” In fact, you may have even bought all of Michael Jackson’s work; you